not just yet

Two days ago, I had this somewhat of a mystical experience while I was taking a bath. 


And no, I wasn't jerking off, fool! LOLS.. 


Have you ever had that feeling where you're kind of sensing that the end is near for you? That feeling which instructs you to ponder on anything and everything because all just seems to be working right for you? Like that day was your last? 


That was what I exactly went through two days ago during my trip to the bathroom. If I died that day, I could have been proud of myself because

I knew I was going to die happy.

Fortunately, I didn't. I'm still here, writing about the very occurrence that led me into sharing it here. I definitely think this is worth the virtual space my blog will consume for posting this cause it made me realize how much I have that I can capitalize on. It made me look back on the things I did and conceive on their effects on my present. One thing noteworthy is that with the theopany I had during that morning, I became more appreciative of myself and every single thing. Every event (however tragic or glorious it maybe),  every person I met (who may have hurt me in one way or another; or shared immaculate moments with me - or vice versa), every knowledge I may have learned and/or imparted, every experience (however regretful or treasure-worthy), and all the other what have you's.


I know there's so much I am grateful for.. So many people I'm thankful for everything that has happened in my life.. Good or bad, in one way or another, whatever these people did for me, every assemblage has brought me to where I am right now. This is not a testimonial post of a successful man. In fact I am nowhere near that category.


Consequently, what Nicholas Sparks wrote on his novel "The Notebook" congruently applies here.

"I am a common man with common thoughts. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten.."

But still, this given fact won't stop me from being appreciative of everything that transpired in my life and most specially, the littlest of things that made me realize the purpose I have. Joy and happiness have gradually transformed me into someone I never dreamt I can be. I am splintered methodically and I feel invincible at the moment. I have achieved the redemption I was longing for and I know I owe it to those who patiently believed and are still critically believing in me. And ironically though, I owe it even more to those who desperately tried to bring me down to the ground (I consider the matter beneath my feet a very potent source of  incomparable vigilance for bouncing back stronger than how I was before I fell).


But then, another realization that struck me greatly was that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't my turn to leave the people that I love yet. Was I ready? Who is? I was happy with how things are going but I honestly wasn't ready to die just yet. I know I still have a lot to offer. I know I still got tons to do. I still have loads of things to share. I still have millions of experiences to encounter. But moreover, I still don't have a son. It's mainly why I silently requested for my end to be delayed. I wish I can put a tag on it saying "death delayed until further notice (LOLS)" but we all know that I can't. I sincerely want to have my own offspring who can replenish the diminishing number of people with the same last name as I do.


The list of people I am thankful for is inexistent because I anticipated that it will definitely eat up an awful lot of my time to construct such a list. But does it really matter though? Will it make a difference if ever I've accomplished that so-called gratitude list?
Would it not be enough to know that death has given me more time to be thankful for more experiences? So I can appreciate more and new people? Would it not be enough to know that I can learn more things and share them selflessly?


Whatever the answers to these questions are, it's doubtlessly enlightening to fathom and be familiar with the fact that in life, in order to fashionably keep up with the things that take us aback, like the past, we first humbly need to appreciate them for what they're worth. The past is irritatingly persistent because it needs to be. The only thing positive about it is that the past will always be there to remind us of the lessons we have learned and the providence of the precautions we have established for ourselves. It is neither there to cloud the judgments we have to sanctify nor it is there to complicate things around. Moreover, the past is more of a buffer to keep us aimed and focused on achieving immunity against anything squarely redundant. However untimely our past may starkly creep up on us, the past will stay as what it is... the past.


There is nothing we can do about it so it's just fair and equitable to not let it do anything to us.


So here's what you can do, the very next moment you meet 'the past' (not death LOLS), whisper this..


"Hey, what's up? I remember you. You're from the past, right? How have you been? I see you're still the same and hey!!! You haven't changed a bit. Wow! Thank you nga pala ah."

(LOLS)

reality

I'm no longer a mess but I'm still a work in progress.

i'm in.

I couldn't even put into words what I really wanted to say. Describing what I'm feeling right now is probably for me, one of the last things I would even consider doing. I was so adamant on being rock steady that I made a pact with myself pledging I would not let anything get in the way, even relationships, while I'm still in school. That was what me and my good self agreed upon ever since my kindhearted parents convinced me to go back into studying notwithstanding the amount of years I have accumulated (consider it slacking off, the hell I care). I wanted them to know that I can pull this thing off. They wouldn't admit it but I know they've had a hard time considering on giving me this opportunity because it is a given fact that they see me as

"someone who never really finishes what I start on."

Little did they know, I was so focused into this new mission I have at hand that I decided to liberate my mind from all my insanities so I can regain the lost self-esteem and self-confidence that I once exuded. It's one of the things written down in my long list of strategies on

"how to get back the lost trust they once bestowed upon me."

Looking back, I was sure I was a lost soul wandering into nothingness, not knowing where to go and where to turn. I was constantly under the impression that I can maneuver my way into things with or without the help of others. More often than not, I found myself sustaining. I found my dear old me fulfilled with the things resulting from my most distinct decisions. But however hard I tried not to admit it, like plague, events in my life reminded me that I cannot do this alone. Like all those before me, giving in to what's apparent may lead me into looking at it as a form of defeat. But no.

"I will no longer be one of those crackheads." 

I know at some point it feels really good to see things work out because of my own doing, but that isn't enough to disregard the fact that there will always be times when I will be needing assistance and/or guidance,

"whatever the circumstances will entail."

But now, here I am. I am almost at the end and believe it or not, things are starting to scare the shit out of me.. Yet again. Flashes of what has happened years and years back have haunted me with much consistency.

"Am I gonna be okay?"

 Will things materialize the way my parents have envisioned them to be? I just have to share this one scenario that has impacted me a whole lot. Yes, in more ways than one..

Many years back, my mom and dad went to see a seer and they had their fortunes told before them. The most important thing and me-relevant information that I can remember was (and this one they shared to everyone who asks them about what the seer stated),

 "Your eldest son won't be able to graduate from college.. 

He will always be depending on you two."

I heard this story after I got kicked out of the first university I enrolled in. During then, there was not much to take out of that statement because it was making sense to everyone, hell even to me, that I am really on the path of fulfilling those words. I was thinking then "So what? I bet loads of other people didn't graduate from college but still their lives are faring well." After sometime though, it was shocking to finally realize that I was going in fucking circles.

Lost Soul? 

Yeah I was. 

But God never left me. 

No one did. 

That was one of the best truths that caught me offguard..

 in a very positive way. 

Ang gago ko pero even so, people still held on to me and dreamt of really beautiful things for me. This smacked the devil in me right in the face. Then came the point when there was nothing left to do but to straighten things out.

"I successfully constructed the mess I made." 

"There should be no one else cleaning my shit for me but myself."

It's wittingly and irritatingly funny how life works out. We really are responsible for our ownselves.. However ominously successful or pitifully demised we are... However destructively fucked up we may be.

---

a stupid mistake

Hikers and mountaineers will come across the

Papaya River 

before they even reach 

Tarak Ridge in Mariveles Bataan. 

Some would intend to camp out the night near the river before

 pushing through for the treacherous hike to the ridge. 

On March 24, 2011, that's exactly what we did. 

Initially it was supposed to be my good friend 

Karlo and I 

who will make the trip but even before we left, we saw 

Nelvin and Dariel 

and they decided to come along. 

We were then a group of four. 

We left Alas-Asin around 7pm and arrived at the river by 820pm. 

We pitched the 

two tents 

we brought and ate dinner consisting of mahling and the rice we awesomely cooked over 

a fire we ourselves made. 

We drank Emperador Light to chill and headed to bed soon after. The water was fuckin cold so taking a dip was unanimously decided to be a definite no no. It was a very rocky night. Literally! 

Everywhere we turn our backs would hit something under our tents and it all made our night miserable.

The following morning (March 25, 2011), around 9am we agreed on trekking for the ridge. And after an hour we were there. It was breathtaking as usual.

Then we decided to go down and aimed at reaching our own houses before 2pm. Upon reaching Papaya River, Karlo took a brief dip and refreshed himself with the icy water. Nelvin and Dariel ate what's left from our breakfast and I decided to fix the rest of the stuff I will be carrying back.

That's where and when everything went wrong for me.

Unknowingly, I left this freakin 

Polarized Oakley Shades my good buddy George lent me.

I realized that this shit wasn't in my bag when we were already near town. How freakin fucked up is that right? I wanted to go back but I know my feet and legs won't be able to hold up. So I decided to head home and deal with the shades later. We touched down around 150pm. I ate and slept. Woke up at around 8pm and decided to go back to Papaya River. I was certain that's the place where I left it.

Luckily, another good friend agreed to come with me. 

Jhong was up for it.

 Hell even if I'll be going alone, I wouldn't care. I'd still go back and get it myself.

 

We left my house at around 920 pm and came back at exactly 1210. That's less than three hours. 

And yeah,  I got the shades back.

cebu will have to wait

I was supposed to go to Cebu-- Friday to Tuesday; March 19-22. Then it happened. My uncle got into a freak accident. I haven't seen him for quite sometime. He was my aunt's first husband. But it was years when they separated. He was a druggie. Everyone knows that. People used to look at him as some junk who can't even fend off for himself. But all that changed in recent years. He got his act together and found a very respectable job that he can really be proud of. He was a changed man. It's really inspiring how God can give these chances to people. Consequently, it's also somewhat depressing to know that while people are offered these opportunities of change, most of them do not even acknowledge what is in store for them had they decided to grab these moments to turn their lives around.

I decided not to go to Cebu and went back home instead. I've been present in the wake every single night and right now, it's his last night. His interment will be held tomorrow at 2pm.

Yeah, Cebu will have to wait.

U-choob

I finally have my youtube account up and running.. 

I can't remember when I created this one. 

But now, it has something to show. =))

Click the link below.

youtube - eysreinvented

enjoy :D

my wakeboarding vids

These videos were taken in CWC.

The jumpstart was pretty easy. 

Then I tried doing the kicker (ramp)

Too bad the weather that day was awfully windy, 

it made wakeboarding something really dreadful to pass your time on. 

But that didn't stop me from making the most out of my time in CWC

Eventually.. I made a successful one :D

this is love.

I NEED..

 these for my birthday/graduation!  

bwahahaha =))

1.) Mitsubishi Strada 4x4 RED

2.) Slingshot Response 2011 $419

OR

Hyperlite State Wakeboard 140 w/ Remix Bindings $299.95

3.) Hypelite DJ Webb NCGA P/O Wakeboard Vest SMALL $99.95

3.) Hyperlite Step Up Wakeboard Helmet White SMALL $59.99

or

Liquid Force Drop Helmet SMALL $39.99

4.) O'neill Psycho 1.5M Cold Water Neoprene Gloves SMALL $49.99

Black Hyperlite JD Webb Rashguard or White Oakley O/S Crew  Rashguard Small $35.95

 

-- now please wake me up --

LOST

 

i must

You just have to keep going.

Where?

To the place you're aiming to go. You're on the right track.

And that would be?

Think hard dummy!!

Alright. I know.