not just yet

Two days ago, I had this somewhat of a mystical experience while I was taking a bath. 


And no, I wasn't jerking off, fool! LOLS.. 


Have you ever had that feeling where you're kind of sensing that the end is near for you? That feeling which instructs you to ponder on anything and everything because all just seems to be working right for you? Like that day was your last? 


That was what I exactly went through two days ago during my trip to the bathroom. If I died that day, I could have been proud of myself because

I knew I was going to die happy.

Fortunately, I didn't. I'm still here, writing about the very occurrence that led me into sharing it here. I definitely think this is worth the virtual space my blog will consume for posting this cause it made me realize how much I have that I can capitalize on. It made me look back on the things I did and conceive on their effects on my present. One thing noteworthy is that with the theopany I had during that morning, I became more appreciative of myself and every single thing. Every event (however tragic or glorious it maybe),  every person I met (who may have hurt me in one way or another; or shared immaculate moments with me - or vice versa), every knowledge I may have learned and/or imparted, every experience (however regretful or treasure-worthy), and all the other what have you's.


I know there's so much I am grateful for.. So many people I'm thankful for everything that has happened in my life.. Good or bad, in one way or another, whatever these people did for me, every assemblage has brought me to where I am right now. This is not a testimonial post of a successful man. In fact I am nowhere near that category.


Consequently, what Nicholas Sparks wrote on his novel "The Notebook" congruently applies here.

"I am a common man with common thoughts. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten.."

But still, this given fact won't stop me from being appreciative of everything that transpired in my life and most specially, the littlest of things that made me realize the purpose I have. Joy and happiness have gradually transformed me into someone I never dreamt I can be. I am splintered methodically and I feel invincible at the moment. I have achieved the redemption I was longing for and I know I owe it to those who patiently believed and are still critically believing in me. And ironically though, I owe it even more to those who desperately tried to bring me down to the ground (I consider the matter beneath my feet a very potent source of  incomparable vigilance for bouncing back stronger than how I was before I fell).


But then, another realization that struck me greatly was that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't my turn to leave the people that I love yet. Was I ready? Who is? I was happy with how things are going but I honestly wasn't ready to die just yet. I know I still have a lot to offer. I know I still got tons to do. I still have loads of things to share. I still have millions of experiences to encounter. But moreover, I still don't have a son. It's mainly why I silently requested for my end to be delayed. I wish I can put a tag on it saying "death delayed until further notice (LOLS)" but we all know that I can't. I sincerely want to have my own offspring who can replenish the diminishing number of people with the same last name as I do.


The list of people I am thankful for is inexistent because I anticipated that it will definitely eat up an awful lot of my time to construct such a list. But does it really matter though? Will it make a difference if ever I've accomplished that so-called gratitude list?
Would it not be enough to know that death has given me more time to be thankful for more experiences? So I can appreciate more and new people? Would it not be enough to know that I can learn more things and share them selflessly?


Whatever the answers to these questions are, it's doubtlessly enlightening to fathom and be familiar with the fact that in life, in order to fashionably keep up with the things that take us aback, like the past, we first humbly need to appreciate them for what they're worth. The past is irritatingly persistent because it needs to be. The only thing positive about it is that the past will always be there to remind us of the lessons we have learned and the providence of the precautions we have established for ourselves. It is neither there to cloud the judgments we have to sanctify nor it is there to complicate things around. Moreover, the past is more of a buffer to keep us aimed and focused on achieving immunity against anything squarely redundant. However untimely our past may starkly creep up on us, the past will stay as what it is... the past.


There is nothing we can do about it so it's just fair and equitable to not let it do anything to us.


So here's what you can do, the very next moment you meet 'the past' (not death LOLS), whisper this..


"Hey, what's up? I remember you. You're from the past, right? How have you been? I see you're still the same and hey!!! You haven't changed a bit. Wow! Thank you nga pala ah."

(LOLS)